Monday, March 29, 2010

Free Pornographic baby clothing!

People are very generous when you're having a baby. They want to help. They want to share. They want to unload all of their baby crap. But it's great because it's free, you can pass it on later and you get stuff that you wouldn't otherwise.

Someone gave me this sweater when I was pregnant with Spawn and now it's her Subordinate's. When I first saw this sweater, I wondered what kind of pervert knits penises on a baby's sweater? Obviously, I thought it was hilarious and made Spawn wear it regularly. I'm really pleased that it's back in heavy rotation.

Can you imagine the sweet little old lady who selflessly knit this for some baby and no one had the balls to tell her that the diaper pins looked like penises and then some toddler pointed to them and said "penis" or whatever the kid's family has nicknamed penises causing everyone to laugh awkwardly and pretend the kid was just hyper sexual rather than insult the old woman? That's what I imagine anyway.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

And the winner is....

My new kid is in the lead.

When I brought Spawn home from the hospital, our beloved cat seemed large and grotesque. Our cat is no longer with us. That's just a coincidence, I swear. Now, I'm not saying that Spawn is the new family cat but BabyB does make her seem um, ginormous. Anyway, I still love her and everything but something has changed. First off, because of my discomfort and fatigue at the end of the pregnancy, my Associate really had to step up and became the primary caregiver while I became more and more like the mom from What's Eating Gilbert Grape, shouting orders from the couch or bed. Then, when I was in the hospital, it was just the two of them. End result: they're best friends forever and I'm the odd mom out.

Or am I? Because it just so happens that I have a new baby that I can mold into my very own bestie. And I'm pretty confident that she's really into this idea because she'd been brown nosing since she was born. Exhibit A: an hour after I got to the hospital, she was born. Case closed. She's obviously courting me. And it's working! She weighed more, was taller than Spawn was, and she doesn't have daily three hour screaming fits like Spawn did. So... in short, BabyB is faster, stronger, bigger and just generally the evolution of human beings in every way. Obviously.

We have a winner**!

**miscmom reserves the right to change favorites at any time, without notice or logic. 

Thursday, March 4, 2010

  • This Friday's episode of Supernanny looks fantastic.
  • I really like Alec Baldwin and feel that Steve Martin is kin because we have the same last name, so I'd like to catch the Oscars this year.
  • I haven't even assembled the crib yet.
  • Spawn is teething and not handling it with any grace which means we haven't been sleeping which means non of the last minute preparations I penciled in for the eleventh hour have been started yet. The baby's room looks like the set of Hoarders. 
  • The doctor told me that March 7th is the due date and I want what was promised to me.
These are just some of the reasons  that I am forbidding Spawn: The Sequel from making an early appearance.


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