Saturday, February 27, 2010

my staycation is RUINED!

I have just heard some very, very disappointing news. I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's 'false advertising' because I haven't actually seen any marketing from my local hospital but somehow, I feel ripped off. Turns out that they've changed the rules. You can't send your baby to the nursery, they must remain in your room. The whole time. Sigh... Gone are the days of relaxing until your baby is brought to you to nurse, only to be whisked away when you're done. And so, just like that, no more staycation! What a rip!

I found out about this bullshit new development at Spawn's Sing and Sign class. All the mother's lamented their time in the hospital because the nurses wouldn't let their babies sleep in bed with them. Most of the mothers opted for an early discharge because the hospital was so noisy and the nurses were always bugging them, trying to push stool softener and drugs on them. Obviously, I didn't contribute to the conversation.

I want all those things! I want the nurse to take my baby to sleep where a competent professional can watch over him/her and all those weird noises they make at first. And I like stool softener! Why the hell not?! And pain killers? Yes, please! And if the hospital wasn't so noisy, how would I have learned about Leslie, my roommate's daughter, who was going to have to start kindergarten without her mom to be there? How the hell, I ask you, with only the sight of Leslie's dad's shoes showing from under the curtain divider and the strained conversation that I had no choice but to overhear, would I have been able to gather that their relationship was a loveless lie?

I guess I'll have to get a t.v. this time. But why bother? Now, I'll have to entertain a newborn. Yippy dip. You better believe I'll be taking all the stool softener and drugs I can get my hands on. Thank you very much.


  1. I also LOVED the stool softeners. Anything to get things "rolling". I mean I wanted the first post baby poop to be celebrated with the nurses/doctors/orderlies/what have you. In a nice safe environment in case of disaster. I loved the escort to the shower. When else is someone going to practically carry you to the shower and bring you towels and wheel your food to your bed? MAYBE if you are lucky, at some point in the next ten years, your kids will make you a really gross tasting breakfast and you can eat it in bed... but then you will just have to change your own bed sheets.

  2. logan or eli
    that was what my roomate was agonizing over trying to name her son who was born the same day my second son was born
    i heard ever conversation with every family member
    by the end of the day mike and i just wanted to pull the curtain back to give our opinion and be done with it
    i also quite enjoyed the stool softener and pain meds
    also appreciated the ice pack they rooled up like a sausage so you could put them you know where as well as the little water bottle you had to fill up and squeeze to rinse sally off every time you peed (note to self where did i put that bottle)
    ahh i love this honest, funny accurate and witty blog on NEW motherhood
    thank you for a great site!

  3. oooooh! I forgot about that squeeze bottle!! A portable bidet... And this time, you better believe I'm taking them up on the sitz bath too. Last time, I was too shy to ask but then I hadn't started openly writing about hemorrhoids, etc. on a regular basis.
    Thanks for the compliments!!

  4. I awarded you a blog award! :)

    Check it out:



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