Monday, January 4, 2010
If BabyB chooses to set off on the wrong foot, as in coming out feet first, that's fine. I've learned that parenting is a lot like trying to win Survivor. It's all about outwitting, outplaying and outlasting the kid. And I am game.
But it would seem as though I'm up against a formidable opponent. I've googled how to turn a breech baby and it's not looking good. Here are some of the possible ways I've found to turn this baby around.
1. visualizing. This option makes me nervous because if visualizing worked for me, I would have left the hospital in my high school jeans after Spawn was born.
2. headstands. No problem! But isn't flipping my legs over my head how I got into this mess in the first place?
3. I can put my ipod earphones down my pants and play classical music 6-8 times per day. I don't know about this one. I can commit to 5 times per day but 6?? Why do I always have to make all the sacrifices? Why can't my partner stick my ipod down his pants?
4. look at pictures of upside down babies. Because apparently our minds are connected. Which makes me paranoid that this whole breach business is a desperate cry for attention. Listen BabyB: Just because I constantly complain about how exhausted I am, and how I was fooled by biology into getting knocked up again, and how I feel like I'm as agile as a senior citizen doesn't mean I'm not thrilled you'll be keeping me up at nights? God. Don't take everything so personally.
I'm screwed. RIP, me.