A friend has recently told me that she is pregnant. The news almost made me cry. In a good way. And then in a bad way. Nobody is more excited to hear that a friend is pregnant than those who already have kids. But it gets complicated. There are stages of acceptance when a new mom hears that a friend is expecting.
1. happiness: for them. They’re happy, you’re happy.
2. happiness: for yourself. Someone else to be lame with! This is great news. Maybe you can all go camping together? Or get cottages side by side? Or whatever.
3. sadness: they are so happy because their lives will be so purposefull and finally they’ll know what they’re doing and will change in wonderful and profound ways. Turns out this may only be true in extreme cases, like drug addicts or career woman. It almost makes me feel sad to see how happy and optimistic she is about the future because I felt that way too and now I’m just tired and need to shower.
4. fear: for them. The first weeks/ months are so bad and scary that I wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy. Labour was like a spa day compared to the first two weeks. Not that I remember much. Blocking out memories is the brain’s way to try and recover from horribly traumatic events. My friend had a baby 6 weeks after I did. I didn’t talk to her from my delivery until a month after her’s. I couldn’t! I wouldn’t have been able to hide the horror of it all from her.
5. acceptance: I think I’ll be alright. I feel better about it all and a lot less scared and unsure. Oh yeah, I’m sure she’ll be fine too.