Saturday, November 5, 2011

Oh, the joy.

Things change when you have a million children, as I do.

When it was only Spawn, I cared about her clothes and hair. I didn't want her to wear pink all the time or have cartoon characters on her blankets. But now that I'm so busy with both Spawns, I barely care if their clothes fit at all. I couldn't care less if their socks don't match and I'm not opposed to cutting the feet out of their pajamas to get an extra season's wear out of them. Plus, it's hilarious to see them in the Incredible Hulk- like attire when they're throwing a tantrum. I find I have adopted the same philosophy I had when dressing myself back in my waitressing days: 'they don't know that I didn't just get this food on my shirt".

The hardest aspect of Spawn's appearance to deal with though is her hair. It's usually insane and out of order constantly. Brushing it causes hysteria and I run the risk of having the neighbors call social services to whisk the children away. I've weighed the pros and cons and I've decided that that would be too disruptive. Besides, what if they liked the foster home better? What if their new parents sat on the floor with them and used flash cards for educational play? What if they made little pizzas with green pepper smiles, cheese hair and olive eye balls? What if they were strict about keeping Spawn out of pull ups and in underwear so she could end this potty training purgatory? It's too risky. I like a vacation as much as the next mom but I'll have to wait and send them to camp where they're legally obliged to return the kids.

Long story short: Spawns hair is a bird's nest and she dresses like a homeless person but I think we can all agree that it's for the best. It shows I care.


  1. I think that witnessing the hysterics over Hairus Horribilis is causing Spawn 2 to stunt her own hair growth just to avoid a scene.

  2. I think you're right. It shows her street smarts.



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