Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Since Spawn's penmanship is deplorable, I thought I would write her letter to Santa this year. I'm sure I can guess what she wants anyway. And I've had nearly thirty years to develop a rapport with Santa so it's probably best that I'm her in.
Dear Father Christmas,
I don't need any gifts because I want for nothing. Instead, I wish for things for my mom. Like, a fat old nanny to care for me in the mornings and whenever she wants 'me-time' because time on the toilet doesn't count, apparently. Also, since my mother has been pregnant for the better part of two years, may I suggest some birth control as a nice stocking stuffer? One more kid around is fine but anymore and let's be honest, she might be a flight risk.
Safe travels, Santa!
ps: do NOT bring my dad a ps3. It's better that way. How about some hangers for his clothes? It looks as though he does not own any. Just a thought.